A tell-all nightmare and a brief check-in

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve checked in here.  I am doing great and haven’t had any slips since this journey started in January.  I weighed in this morning at 210.0, so that’s a total of 18.6 pounds in 2 months.  Other than being sick with a stomach / chest / head cold this past week, I have felt great.  I’m working out 3 to 4 days a week (other than when I was sick).  I prefer strength training and do that in the mornings.  I LOVE Les Mills Pump.  I can’t say that enough J.  I love that I don’t have to go to a gym and work out in front of a ton of other people. 

The kids are doing really well too.  They love grocery shopping and picking out their favorite healthy snacks.  I let them pick their own fruits and veggies and this has really made them eager to eat what they pick out.  We have minimal food waste, if any.  Joe and the kids also started building a garden today so that we can grow a ton of our own fresh, organic, non-GMO produce.  The kids are packing lunch every day for school.  And when I give them the choices of various main meals they choose salad with a protein 4 out of 5 times.  When we first started they would take a salad maybe twice a week.  Now, they are choosing to take a salad 4 or 5 days a week.  That gives me a happy heart. 

I did have a very upsetting dream the other night.  You’ll probably laugh, but it was actually really upsetting to me.  I don’t remember all the details, but basically I was in my house by myself and I ate a half container of Costco’s chocolate chip cookies.  I was hiding and stuffing myself until I was sick.  How ridiculous is that?  And, how ridiculous is it that I was upset about this dream?  In the dream I was so sad that I was eating the cookies, but I couldn’t stop myself.  I felt so defeated and depressed, but I didn’t care and I just kept eating them.  In my dream, I knew it was the end of it all.  I knew I had “relapsed” and had failed once again.   I woke up and was a little sad that I had lost all control of myself.  There was no such thing as just having one cookie.  It was a total binge-eating feast.  I had to reassure myself that it was just a dream. 

I think the dream came about because of all the Easter candy around.  I have to share a dirty little secret.  My all-time favorite candies are out at Easter.  Cadbury mini eggs and malted candy coated Robin Eggs are my ultimate weakness.  A bag of either one of those didn’t stand a chance.  They’d be gone in a day.  I was in Wal-Mart the other day and I passed by the Easter candy aisle and saw all those delicious chocolates.  They caught my eye and I thought to myself how addicted I was to those candies.  I remember in years past swearing that I’d start my diet after Easter just so I could eat Robin Eggs and mini eggs.  I would practically gorge myself until I was sick eating those.  I’d stop on my way home from work and would buy a bag.  I’d eat half the bag and would be stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.  I’d hide the bag in my purse so Joe and the kids didn’t see that I ate half a bag.  This put me in a bad position because then I’d have to eat the rest of the bag myself because I still didn’t want them to know that I ate the other half.  I’d eat the other half the next day or whenever else I’d have a chance.  But, then I’d eat dinner because I felt guilty and didn’t want anyone to know that I had just stuffed my face with chocolates.  Screwed up isn’t even the proper term for this behavior.  This is another clear example of a person who has a true sugar addiction.  This behavior doesn’t match the hard-working, well-educated person that I am.  This behavior matches an addict.  An addict whose choice of drug is sugar, not any of the other drugs what are associated with addiction.  Addicts are ashamed of what they do.  They know it’s wrong to use, but they just can’t stop themselves.  They try to hide it from their loved ones, but it’s near impossible to hide for too long, especially when it’s other drugs.  However, I think it’s pretty easy to hide a sugar addiction.  Heck, I hid it from myself for 22 freaking years.  I didn’t even know that what I was doing was caused by an actual addiction.  I thought I was just a lazy, fat slob that liked candy and carbs a lot. 

I’m so grateful that God answered my prayers.  I just wished I started praying about it years ago.  I pray every day for God to give me the strength to get through another day.  So far, so good.  Our God is an amazing God.  He hasn’t let me down yet, nor has He ever.  

Gluten-free processed foods aren't necessarily the healthier alternative....

I haven’t posted in a week because to be quite frank, I felt like a broken record.  I don’t want to bore people with the same old stuff day in and day out.  I’m going to do a weekly check-in for now on, unless I learn something totally worthwhile and need to share it with you.  I didn’t have much time to read this week, so I didn’t learn anything new as far as research, but I did learn some more about gluten-free foods and what they do to me.  I had a four day weekend because of two snow days.  I’m not ashamed to admit that I literally spent all day Thursday and all day Friday watching the first two seasons of Downton Abbey.  I’m completely addicted to it.  If you like a ton of plot lines, witty humor, and scandalous events, you’ll love it.  I personally also find it spellbinding to see how the aristocrats lived back in the day.  Growing up near Newport, RI and visiting the mansions regularly one of our many hobbies growing up was going to the Breakers, Marble House, Rose-cliffe and more.  There I go, digressing again. 

Here’s a recap of last week.  I ate well, most of the week.  I did not have any sugar or gluten and only a slice of cheese here and there throughout the week.  I say that I ate well most of the week because we splurged on some gluten-free junk food (no sugar was in any of these foods).  On Friday, the snow day, Molly made a homemade lasagna using GF noodles.  I’ve never ever made a lasagna before.  This sucker was the BOMB!  I’m totally bragging, but this daughter of mine is mind boggling.  That kid is so ambitious and nothing gets in her way (besides her smart ass mouth once in a while).  Anyhow, she made the lasagna because it’s her brother’s all time favorite food.  It was excellent, and you’d never have known that the noodles were GF.  They sell them at Walmart in the GF section if you are interested in trying them. 

On Saturday Maggie had a friend sleep over, her first since moving to Virginia.  It was super sweet.  She was going to be here for dinner, so I wanted to get some kid friendly food.  I didn’t want to make the kid never want to come back J  I found some Perdue Select GF chicken tenders.  They were freaking delicious!  I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THEM even if you or your kids are not GF. 

On Sunday I was super busy around the house and wanted a quick and easy meal to make for dinner.  Molly made a salad and I threw in one of the frozen GF pizza’s I found last week at Costco.  I don’t know what brand it was, but again, it was excellent.  I also had GF toast Sunday morning with my eggs. 

Now that you know what some of the food I ate over the past three days, let me tell you how I felt.  I was a little lethargic during the days.  I also had cravings and seemed to be hungry throughout the days, especially on Saturday and Sunday.  I was a bit “off” and didn’t feel like working out even though the weather was gorgeous.  I did force myself to go for a walk on Saturday and walked 2 miles.  But, that was primarily because Maggie’s friend was coming over and I wanted to take my ankle biting, child biting 10-pound rat for a walk.  He was going to be in solitary confinement while her friend was over.   It took me forever to get motivated yesterday and I worked super slow.  I got hungry about every 2 hours and found myself snacking on various foods (none of which were fruits or veggies).  Instead. I ate almonds (more than I should have), corn chips, veggie sticks, etc…  I ate a lot of processed foods (aside from the almonds.)  It happened again this morning.  For the past 7 weeks I have eaten breakfast by 7 a.m.  I then grab a snack (fruit) at 11 and eat lunch at 12:30.  Well, by 9:30 today I was starving.   I had to eat something and at my plum.  At 11 I ate my apple.  The rest of the day was normal and I didn’t have any crazy cravings and such. 

So, I started wondering why on Earth did I feel sluggish and had these cravings all weekend.  My appetite just seemed off and I kept wanted to shove something else in my mouth.  I wondered if the GF pasta, breading, pizza and bread had something to do with it.  I called my all knowing cousin to find out if GF starch / carb foods break down the same as their non-GF “white” foods (breads, cereals, pasta, etc…).  Turns out they do.  They skyrocket your blood sugar and then you have that inevitable crash a short time later.  It’s an endless cycle and your body keeps telling you to eat more after that crash.  I did additional research online and found a few more sites that verified with what my cousin told me.  Here’s one of the articles that explains this phenomenon. 

http://www.glutenfreeschool.com/2013/04/29/gluten-free-bread/

Here’s another really quick and easy read too:

http://www.glutenfreeschool.com/?s=Gluten+free+bread%3A++why+are+you+still+eating+it

It basically boils down to that I was having some of the same side affects I was having when I was eating refined carbs and sugars.  My cousin said she treats those GF processed carb products like treats that are eaten sparingly.  They are not eaten three days in row L.  Bummer, but now that I learned this about them and PAYED attention to my body this weekend, I won’t be indulging on these products again for a while and if and when I do, I will have them sparingly.  The kids have already been taught this and they understand that those things will be eaten few and far between. 

So, lesson learned.  Not all GF food is created equal.  It can still wreck havoc on a sugar addict’s system and send you back into the downward addiction spiral.  The never ending cravings, the laziness, and the brain fog.  I will stick to my whole foods that God put on this earth for us to eat with the least amount of processing.  This includes fresh fruits, veggies, berries, meats, fish, eggs, nuts, and beans. 

****Pardon me for any errors in this blog.  I’m so ready for bed and don’t have the energy to proofread.  But, I want to post it now for the sake that I don’t know when I’ll have time to do it.********

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This past Thursday’s weigh-in was a success.  I weighed in at 213.6 for a total of 15.2 lbs in 7 weeks.  I’ll be happy to keep up an average of 1.5 lbs lost in a week.   

Lesson learned.....don't skip lunch and then think it's safe to go to Dollar Tree

          The past few days have been a whirlwind.  I literally spent the entire weekend working on school work.  Thank goodness my kids love going to school with me.  They get to play on the computers and since they don’t get to do that at home, they are always happy to go to school with me.  We ate great the past 4 days.  It’s been the normal plan of no sugar, no gluten, and lots of fresh wholesome food.  Monday night was hectic and I had a hunkering for a hot dog.   I went to the market and found an Oscar Meyer beef hot dog without any preservatives or nitrates or any kind of sugar added to them.  The kids loved them.  I also found sweet potato fries to go with them.  Since we had the potatoes we skipped out on finding gluten free hot dog buns.  We also had carrots and hummus with it.  It was a “junk” food night J. 

            But, the last two days, I’ve run into a problem trying to fit in lunch at work.  It happened yesterday, but I was able to eat at 3.   Today I was slammed with trying to finish some activities that I was doing with my next class.  I ate my snacks, but didn’t get to eat my lunch.  I couldn’t eat at 3 and by the time I got the kids and delivered one to swim practice and got gas, I was absolutely starving.  So, at 4:30 we stopped in at the dollar store to pick up school supplies and I bought a package of corn chips and dry roasted peanuts.  The kids were hungry too, since they forgot to pack their own snacks for the afternoon.  I typically would have stopped at the market to pick up some fruit, but I made the mistake of going to Dollar Tree instead.  So the kids and I shared the chips and peanuts.  I’m frustrated with myself because I let myself get too hungry.  That’s definitely not a safe place for me.  I have a horrible habit of eating far too much when I’m hungry.  I definitely ate way to many peanuts and corn chips.  So, lesson learned.  I absolutely have to eat my lunch.  I cannot skip a meal because it screws up something inside me.  Puts me in the starvation mode.  This only happened today because I was crammed for time at school and school won.  I definitely won’t let that happen again.   This is the first time in 7 weeks, that I have felt hungry and lost control of my eating.  Peanuts and corn chips were still a better chance than Ding Dongs and Oreos, but I still feel off from eating as much as I did.