It’s been a few weeks since I’ve checked in here. I am doing great and haven’t had any
slips since this journey started in January. I weighed in this morning at 210.0, so that’s a total of
18.6 pounds in 2 months. Other
than being sick with a stomach / chest / head cold this past week, I have felt
great. I’m working out 3 to 4 days
a week (other than when I was sick).
I prefer strength training and do that in the mornings. I LOVE Les Mills Pump. I can’t say that enough J. I love that I don’t have to go to a gym
and work out in front of a ton of other people.
The kids are doing really well too. They love grocery shopping and picking
out their favorite healthy snacks.
I let them pick their own fruits and veggies and this has really made
them eager to eat what they pick out.
We have minimal food waste, if any. Joe and the kids also started building a garden today so
that we can grow a ton of our own fresh, organic, non-GMO produce. The kids are packing lunch every day
for school. And when I give them
the choices of various main meals they choose salad with a protein 4 out of 5
times. When we first started they
would take a salad maybe twice a week.
Now, they are choosing to take a salad 4 or 5 days a week. That gives me a happy heart.
I did have a very upsetting dream the other night. You’ll probably laugh, but it was
actually really upsetting to me. I
don’t remember all the details, but basically I was in my house by myself and I
ate a half container of Costco’s chocolate chip cookies. I was hiding and stuffing myself until
I was sick. How ridiculous is that? And, how ridiculous is it that I was
upset about this dream? In the
dream I was so sad that I was eating the cookies, but I couldn’t stop myself. I felt so defeated and depressed, but I
didn’t care and I just kept eating them.
In my dream, I knew it was the end of it all. I knew I had “relapsed” and had failed once again. I woke up and was a little sad
that I had lost all control of myself.
There was no such thing as just having one cookie. It was a total binge-eating feast. I had to reassure myself that it was
just a dream.
I think the dream came about because of all the Easter candy
around. I have to share a dirty
little secret. My all-time
favorite candies are out at Easter.
Cadbury mini eggs and malted candy coated Robin Eggs are my ultimate
weakness. A bag of either one of
those didn’t stand a chance.
They’d be gone in a day. I
was in Wal-Mart the other day and I passed by the Easter candy aisle and saw
all those delicious chocolates.
They caught my eye and I thought to myself how addicted I was to those
candies. I remember in years past
swearing that I’d start my diet after Easter just so I could eat Robin Eggs and
mini eggs. I would practically
gorge myself until I was sick eating those. I’d stop on my way home from work and would buy a bag. I’d eat half the bag and would be
stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.
I’d hide the bag in my purse so Joe and the kids didn’t see that I ate
half a bag. This put me in a bad
position because then I’d have to eat the rest of the bag myself because I
still didn’t want them to know that I ate the other half. I’d eat the other half the next day or
whenever else I’d have a chance. But,
then I’d eat dinner because I felt guilty and didn’t want anyone to know that I
had just stuffed my face with chocolates.
Screwed up isn’t even the proper term for this behavior. This is another clear example of a
person who has a true sugar addiction.
This behavior doesn’t match the hard-working, well-educated person that
I am. This behavior matches an
addict. An addict whose choice of
drug is sugar, not any of the other drugs what are associated with
addiction. Addicts are ashamed of
what they do. They know it’s wrong
to use, but they just can’t stop themselves. They try to hide it from their loved ones, but it’s near
impossible to hide for too long, especially when it’s other drugs. However, I think it’s pretty easy to
hide a sugar addiction. Heck, I
hid it from myself for 22 freaking years.
I didn’t even know that what I was doing was caused by an actual
addiction. I thought I was just a lazy,
fat slob that liked candy and carbs a lot.
I’m so grateful that God answered my prayers. I just wished I started praying about
it years ago. I pray every day for
God to give me the strength to get through another day. So far, so good. Our God is an amazing God. He hasn’t let me down yet, nor has He
ever.
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